Stories by John Buckley
Short Stories
THE COW
THE COW You want to know what happened? I’ll tell you what happened. Bloody stupid police, that’s what happened. Tosspots. That do you? Course not. All right, sorry. Holding my hands up. Okay? It’s just, even after all this time… Okay, where do you want me to start?...
LUCY, OH LUCY MY (LATEST) LOVE
LUCY, OH LUCY MY (LATEST) LOVE LUCY was there again today, outside my house, just walking by, all nonchalant, doing nothing to attract my attention but getting the full whack of it anyway. You know the kind of thing - eyes spinning, popping out of my head, heart...
THE FITTERBIT
THE FITTERBIT You know how it is. You get dumped by your boyfriend, lose your job and are then told you’re a fatty and at risk of diabetes or heart disease unless you lose weight drastically. So much for comfort eating; doesn’t bring you much comfort does it? Or...
THE AWAY MATCH
THE AWAY MATCH Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and he’ll store maggots in the fridge and surprise you with the wormery to adorn your back garden. He’ll talk to you about wagglers and bottom feeders and concoct horrid things called...
SPIRITUS SANKTUS
SPIRITUS SANKTUS “I wish you were dead!” “Well, I wish you were dead!” Eric said it first and his wife copied him. It was so irritating when she mimicked him. She always did it. It was as if they were children. “You don’t half get on my nerves.” “And you get on mine!”...
JEFFREY’S DEATH
JEFFREY’S DEATH JEFFREY Cooper heard the knock - a real three-bang rasper – and opened his front door to look upon a figure hooded in a black shroud, the gaping hole at the front being so dark he could make out no facial features at all. “Good evening,” said a voice...
IF ONLY
IF ONLY 3.17 I groan into my pillow. Why, when you wake up in the night, the clock always says three-something? Two-something and it’s like a very late night. Four-something and you’ve not long to go. Three’s a killer though. 3.14 3.07 What? Didn’t it just say… 3.02....
I DID WHAT IT SAYS
I DID WHAT IT SAYS “DO you plead Guilty, or Not Guilty?” “Ohh, Guilty,” I said. “It was a guilty pleasure. So, definitely guilty. Naughty, but nice.” There I’d said it. Easy enough. Don’t know what there is to get nervous about. Guilty. I suppose I’d better explain...
FREUDIAN SLIP
FREUDIAN SLIP SIGMUND Freud was confident the man he had just watched leave his office was well on the road to… to where? Recovery? No, he had never complained of being ill, mentally or otherwise. To where then? To a life a great achievement, to a vast potential...
A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO ADULTERY
A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO ADULTERY I Yeah, course you can. You’re welcome to join me as long as you can keep up. I’m not really out of breath, but it’s not easy talking and walking at this pace. I’m fit as a butcher’s whippet - you’ve probably spotted that - but I’ve done...
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