She was called Festerbestertester
And embarrassed by her name
For her classmates laughed at her
And she held her parents to blame.
“Oh, mum why couldn’t you have picked
Sue or Sharon or Sam or something similar
Felicity, Fiona or Fizz
Or something quite familiar
What’s the matter with you and dad
What were you thinking at the time
It’s one thing having a stupid name
Quite another one that rhymes
Mum was stern when she replied
Don’t feel embarrassment or shame
The Festerbestertesters go back in history
And we are proud of the family name
When Julius Caesar invaded Britain
He made his capital at Cirencester
And who do you think he put in charge
Luigi Festerbestertester
Whenever Henry Xlll got married
He was entertained by his court jester
And his wives laughed their heads clean off
At Charlie Festerbestertester
There was only one man for the first Elizabeth
And he was the Earl of Leicester
And she never loved another
Until she met Shakespeare Festerbestertester
Now when Lord Nelson hit a storm
And called for his sou’wester
Who do you think brought it him
But Captain Festerbestertester
In the history of the Church of Rome
The Italians say who issa besta
The Eenglishman, they all agree,
Pope Paul Festerbestertester
And who revolutionised fashion
By inventing polyester
It wasn’t Marks or Spencer
But Professor Festerbestertester.
So you see my daughter
Why you should shout your name out loud
It’s not to be ashamed of
We have done our country proud.
Oh mum you don’t listen
I am proud of our family
I am angry you took so little thought
When you chose a name for me
All the kids take the mick
They laugh at me all the time
Because how you picked my name
So it became one long rhyme…
Mum, why did you have to call me ESTHER?
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