When I took my hippo to Tesco
He hadn’t been fed for a while
And he gobbled up a customer
When we reached the Fresh Food aisle.
I squirmed with embarrassment
And tried to apologise
But the manager was angry
Said: “I can’t believe my eyes.
“We’ll need a mop and bucket
“Look at the mess he’s made.
“It wouldn’t be so bad,
“But the bloke hadn’t even paid.
“Because of your hungry hippo
“I’ll have to telephone his wife.
“And explain how the weekly groceries
“Had cost her husband’s life.
“The woman is entitled to expect
‘Extra clubcard points at least
“It’s the little extra that helps
“When you are eaten by wild beasts.
“We like to boast at Tesco,
“There’s no savage animals in store.
“It hits our custom very hard.
“When there’s bodies on the floor.
“If you have to die while in Tesco
“We’d want it to be pain free.
“So why don’t you take your hippo,
“And do your shopping at Aldi?”
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