BLUEBOTTLE 1

I know you cannot understand why

I know it must hurt your feelings

That we try to splatter you

Across the windows and the ceilings

Well’ I’m afraid you’ll never know

A rolled up newspaper sees to that.

Just be grateful the end comes quickly

It’s all over in a thwack!

BIRDS

I was awakened this morning

By the singing of the birds

I don’t know why they bother

They clearly don’t know the words.

So I shouted SHURRUP!

Your singing only ever gets worse

Don’t be like that, said the Robin,

I’ve only reached the second verse.

BEWARE!

Beware the undertaker

So keen he’s fit to burst

For he may have you in your coffin

Without you actually dying first

Beware the dentist pulling your teeth

And this is difficult to tell

For sometimes when your face is frozen

He’ll take out an eye as well.

Beware the forgetful surgeon

Who operates on your brain

He may take off the top of your head

And not put it back again

Beware delicious ice cream

With chocolate to adorn it

For often ice cream men

Put razor blades in the cornets

Beware the water park

When you should be at school

For those are days the lifeguard puts

An alligator in the pool

Beware the bushtucker grub

But if you order some

At least you don’t chew or swallow,

It makes its own way to your tum

BEARS

A bear that is polar

Won’t drink Coca Cola

But a bear that is brown

Will guzzle it straight down

While a bear that is black

Will sick it straight back

A bear that is teddy

Will drink it when he’s ready

A bear that is koala

Will sip it in the parlour

A bear that is panda

Will want something grander

But a bear that is grizzly

Prefers something less fizzly

OUCH!

Don’t take advice from sayings
Clearly they never work
I tried it myself and now
I’m just feeling such a berk
It’s suppose to be what you need
But I’d never do it again
All I wanted was a pick-me-up
And all I got was pain.
For I was feeling depressed
And thought it wouldn’t do any harm
If I took my pistol and gave myself
A much needed shot in the arm.