by admin | Jan 31, 2021 | Personally Speaking
I throw the ball, my dog brings it back
I throw the ball, my dog brings it back
I throw the ball, my dog brings it back
Go after go after go and still more goes
I throw the ball, my dog brings it back
I throw the ball, my dog brings it back
I throw the ball, my dog brings it back
I wished I’d taught him to play dominoes
I play a five, he plays a three
I play a two he plays a four
I play a blank, he plays a five
He doesn’t seem to have much trouble
I play a four, he plays a two,
I play a six he plays a three
I play a blank, he plays a one
And he ends up with a double.
My dog beat me at dominoes
My dog beat me at dominoes
My dog beat me at dominoes
I repeat it so I’ll believe it
My dog beat me at dominoes
He was getting out the dartboard
But I said, if you don’t mind I think I’ll leave it
by admin | Jan 31, 2021 | Personally Speaking
So what was he, er, doing when he, er….
“Died? There’s no need to be obtuse
He was screaming at a tube of glue
Saying it was ugly and of no use
That everything it tried to stick
Was certain to come lose
Then he keeled over – dead –
Another victim of solvent abuse.”
by admin | Jan 31, 2021 | Personally Speaking
When I took my hippo to Tesco
He hadn’t been fed for a while
And he gobbled up a customer
When we reached the Fresh Food aisle.
I squirmed with embarrassment
And tried to apologise
But the manager was angry
Said: “I can’t believe my eyes.
“We’ll need a mop and bucket
“Look at the mess he’s made.
“It wouldn’t be so bad,
“But the bloke hadn’t even paid.
“Because of your hungry hippo
“I’ll have to telephone his wife.
“And explain how the weekly groceries
“Had cost her husband’s life.
“The woman is entitled to expect
‘Extra clubcard points at least
“It’s the little extra that helps
“When you are eaten by wild beasts.
“We like to boast at Tesco,
“There’s no savage animals in store.
“It hits our custom very hard.
“When there’s bodies on the floor.
“If you have to die while in Tesco
“We’d want it to be pain free.
“So why don’t you take your hippo,
“And do your shopping at Aldi?”
by admin | Jan 31, 2021 | Personally Speaking
I’m keeping up with the Joneses
I’ve kissed the Blarney stone
I’ve seen the error of my ways
And I’ll give the dog a bone
I’m a knight in shining armour
In the twinkling of an eye
I’ve jumped on the bandwagon
And I keep my powder dry
I’m all at sixes and sevens
At the drop of a hat
As sure as eggs are eggs
I’m as blind as a bat
I may play second fiddle
But I’m always as pleased as Punch
To swallow my pride
And eat the ploughman’s lunch
This is a fine kettle of fish
I need to pour cold water on
I live my life by expressions
When all is said and done
by admin | Jan 31, 2021 | Personally Speaking
I rubbed the lamp, a genie appeared
He said I had one wish and I thought that’s weird
In the stories I’ve read it’s always three
He said, well, it ain’t with me.
I’m a meanie genie.
One wish is all you get: take it or leave it.
One wish I said, that’s all I need
To get absolute power for my absolute greed
He said C’mon you’re not that clever
I said, ahh, but it will go on forever
Because I’m an arty-smarty
Here’s my wish and you’d better believe it…
I wish for three more wishes!
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