A Quick Limerick
There’s a buxom girl in Chester
Whose breasts are clearly the best-er
She’ll let you feel
To see if they’re real
And if you politely request her
SHAKESPEAREAN POEMS
There was a young girl called Cymbeline
Who was every man’s midsummer night’s dream
Though two gents from Verona
Preferred Desdemona
Who’d perform as you like it, it seems
*
Said Pericles, she’s clearly a teaser
An untamed shrew this Lucretia!
Because measure for measure
I’ve heard she’s a pleasure
So for God’s sake Julius seize her.
LOVE POEM
We’d been watching an old cartoon
When you said, like all of a sudden,
I thought the bloke who played Gepetto was good
But I found Pinocchio a bit wooden.
A laugh jumped out of my mouth
And I said : No-one loves a critic.
But I was wrong. I fell for you
Now you’re my Jiminy Cricket.
BATHHOUSE
First we wash the Muslims, then we wash the Jews
Next we wash the Christians, followed by Hindus;
We wash the Arabs and the Kurds
The Slavs, Magyars and Serbs
The Africans and the Asians
Aussies, Ruskies and Haitians
It’s not so much a madhouse
As an international bathhouse
And we invite our enemies and our friends in
For a party of ethnic cleansing
A little bit more adult…
COWS
(A joke in rhyme)
There was I thinking cows were friendly
And never got in a bad moo-ed.
But I don’t think there’s a funny side now
I’ve seen the change in their attitude.
I was walking across a field
When a herd basking in the sun
Spotted me and charged
So, panicky, I began to run.
I was near the gate when I tripped and fell
Or I would have made it safe and sound
And on the hefty beasts came
As I crashed down to the ground.
They were mad those cows as they bore down on me,
They were bellowing and half-crazed
And I was about to be trampled or gored to death
But fortunately, I was only grazed.
(Think about it)
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